undelivered

i touch her, and look at her, my divine. i have loved her, and i could keep loving her, but there is a reminder of the impossibility of this arrangement, if i were to grant ourselves our "self", a life not bounded by the necessities of a relationship. if you love just enough you have to give up some things. to have everything of yourself, you have to love a little less. i don't know if it is right to continue being with her. we have seen time and again how it didn't work. i am scared of wasting too much time in life trying to make it work. i am tired of the pains this entails just to keep us together. a whole different life could be had, if we are willing to end this.

i have not ended this with her. only in my mind, as i say goodbye to her and answer to her questions of promises, do i think that this might be the end. how it hurts, to say goodbye to someone you love so much, and know that it will be the end. it is unnatural to say goodbye with certainty, as it is in the nature of life that people have another chance to meet again, unless if you make all intentions to not meet again. how do you say a final goodbye to the one you love? it should not even exist. you never say goodbye to someone you love. yet here i am. this is how it is to orchestrate an accident.